Being "Just Friends"/A Jaunt into Unfamiliar Territory

Wow, I've been drunk the last four nights in a row. Damn. That just can't be healthy. It's amazing how fast one's tolerance can increase- Wednesday night I was exhausted from Big Camp and got completely trashed from one frozen margarita, whereas last night I was exhausted from getting only two hours of sleep and working out, and yet didn't get sick despite having three margaritas, a shot of Yeager, a beer, and at least four additional shots of tequila. Wow. Now, granted, I got ultra-emo and kind of made an ass of myself... but I wasn't sick! Woohoo!

Yeah... last night I went out to dinner with Eric, his brother Adam who's visiting right now, Anthony, Tyler, and Eric's roommmate Rachel. Dinner was really, really good (we went to the San Diego seafood something-or-other, and whoever invented the calamari -stuffed shrimp wrapped in bacon in a cream sauce should be officially sainted). Granted, there was a long, awkward pause when we were telling Rachel and Adam stories about Anthony's graduation party and Eric suggested I tell how he had ended up in the backyard in the first place... I was speechless. Afterwards, Adam, Eric, Rachel and I hung out at their house and drank an entire bottle of Mango Tequila. That stuff is delicious! We played frisbee in the street, and generally had what really should have been a great time... except I might not have been having the best of times. Of course, as soon as Eric had me alone after I got there he asked me about the hickey on my neck... awkward... I was pretty much like "*ahem* yeah... check out this bruise I got on my elbow falling on the stairs the other day..." he gave me a reproachful look for making such a poor attempt at changing the topic. The bad part was the fact that Rachel and Adam were constantly teasing Eric about girls, bringing up his ex-girlfriends and recent dates (goddamnit!). Apparently there's one girl in whom he has particular interest, but she's away somewhere right now... Rachel didn't like her as much because she didn't get along with the cat (she's allergic), and so it was extra-uncomfortable when I overheard her pointing out to Eric that I get along well with the cat. Also bad was when she suggested Eric join me on the air mattress. Also bad was when she pointedly complimented my frisbee skills repeatedly. Also bad was when Eric and I had a little *ahem* chat outside... (all the conversation had made me incredibly uncomfortable so I needed to get out, Eric followed me, I said I wasn't sure if I could be friends with him afterall, he pointed out that it was his brother and roommate saying those things, not him, and I was generally extremely emo) ... anyway, we came back inside and Rachel wanted to know if it was indeed a hickey on my neck and whether Eric had given it to me. Oh God.

Anyway, it's an unescapable fact that Eric really HAS been an amazing friend these last few months, and I think that it would be very foolish of me to throw that away. At least now he knows more of how I feel about it. I think I made it clear that one of the things that bothers me is that other people see things between us the way I did, and he really needs to be clear about the fact that we're just friends to them, lest we get treated as a unit even though we're not (such as on Friday night when I didn't get invited along to a movie with all of them because Anthony assumed that Eric would invite me, which he sort of had, though that had been the night before when there was no plan except to go out). It's weird when people move to make us sit together. It's weird that he took me out and introduced me to his boss and coworkers. It's weird that he tells me things about my personality that I haven't heard except from old friends, yet doesn't want more...

I want so much more out of life sometimes. I have to take what I can get like everyone else, though. On that note, I'm signing up for tennis lessons this summer at the rec center, and I think I might take an "Argentine Tango and New York Hustle for Singles" class too. I'm going to call up Helena Vlahos and see about bellydancing lessons again. I'm hoping I can get a few gigs to help me pay off my lessons. Also, I'm thinking it's time to take a trip to San Diego for a weekend, and so far Anika's definitely interested, and Eric is too though he seems to mainly want to check out its livability. If you want to come out with us for a weekend, let me know! Alright, it's time for my workout; yay rah exercise!